Rotten Tomatoes’ Worst of the Worst 2000-2009

Rotten Tomatoes’ Worst of the Worst 2000-2009

If you come to my blog often, you probably notice that I reference RottenTomatoes.com a lot. I’ve found it to be a pretty reliable source for movie reviews of various opinions. I tend to agree with what most critics look for in movies.

With that said, Rotten Tomatoes recently released their list of the 100 worst movies of the past decade.

Its pretty freakin’ hilarious. And yes, I pretty much agreed with the whole thing. Particularly because I might have watched one or two movies on the list, so I have no reason to defend them. I thought it was funny that:

1) There seemed to be two constant genres on the list (comedy and action/ thriller)
2) There were certain actresses/ actors that appeared more than once. Coincidence? Doubt it. Some folks were pretty disappointing. Pick better scripts yall.
3) There were so many bad movies made in the past 10 years. All the movies got a 7% and below. So there’s a bunch that got 10% and below that weren’t able to make the list?! How the hell do these movies get money?
4) When Glitter is only 99 and Gigli is only 73, that puts into context how bad the rest of them are

Since I didn’t see most of these movies and even then, rehashing and reposting all 100 would not be a good use of time and space, let me just get down to the nitty gritty and present the top 10:

#10

Witless Protection (2008)

Critics Consensus: Larry the Cable Guy continues his critical losing streak with this insipid, tasteless caper comedy.
Synopsis: Larry the Cable Guy returns for another comic misadventure as a small town sheriff who unwittingly gets involved in a high profile FBI case in Lionsgate’s new comedy, Witless Protection. During a routine day spent… [More]
Lyle says…WHY DOES LARRY THE CABLE GUY GET PAID TO MAKE MOVIES!? AND IS HE REALLY A CABLE GUY? The world will continue to wonder…OR NOT CARE AS USUAL. But don’t take my word for it, take a look at the box office receipts.
#9

Redline (2007)

Critics Consensus: Redline has plenty of bad acting, laughable dialogue, and luxury cars.
Synopsis: REDLINE, starring Nathan Phillips, Nadia Bjorlin, Angus Macfadyen. This action-thriller is about love amidst greed, speed and primal desires. A gorgeous young automobile fanatic and front to the hottest unsigned band on… [More]
Directed By: Andy Cheng
Lyle says…I guess there has to be something worst that the Fast & the Furious. I continue to have hope for a ‘fast car’ movie that won’t suck. But then again, I still hope that Santa Claus really does exist. Oh yeah, and this is (at least) the third movie Eddie Griffin has in this countdown. It’s been a long time since…(insert good Eddie Griffin movie here).
#8
Critics Consensus: 3 Strikes lacks direction and its low-brow humor isn’t even that funny.
Synopsis: This action-packed comedy follows a two time criminal (Hooks) who is already in trouble with the law. Threatened with serving a life sentence if he’s convicted a third time, he commits to going straight and narrow. It… [More]
Directed By: DJ Pooh
Lyle says…I’ve never heard of this movie nor its actors. But I’m pretty sure I could have predicted the plot just from the title. Oh and I never thought about using my DJ name if I ever directed a movie. That’s about as lame as putting ‘McG‘. Sometimes, a name does tell a lot about you and much your movies are going to suck.
#7

Strange Wilderness (2008)

Critics Consensus: Strange Wilderness is a laugh-free comedy that’s both aimless and overly crass.
Synopsis: Steve Zahn leads a ragtag crew of wasted nature documentarians deep into the Ecuadorian forest on a quest for the legendary Bigfoot. Constantly being rousted for their drunken ineptitude and ill-informed voiceover… [More]
Directed By: Fred Wolf
Lyle says…never heard about this movie either. But I guess HappyMadison and Jonah Hill can’t always hit home runs. Also, this movie is proof that drug-induced plots are sometimes only funny when you’re still on drugs.
#6

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)

Critics Consensus: Superbabies continues to prove that bad jokes still aren’t funny when coming out of a toddler’s mouth.
Synopsis: Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies is the sequel to Baby Geniuses starring Kathleen Turner and Christopher Lloyd, whose characters secretly worked to crack the code to “baby talk,” a highly sophisticated language that allows… [More]
Directed By: Bob Clark
Lyle says…this is a sequel?!?! They made one previous to this?!?! The hell? Who would have thought that the powerhouse combination of Jon Voight and Scott Baio would ever fail? I guess it serves Voight right…(you suck at movies, political opinion, and as a dad, the ultimate trifecta).
#5

National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers (2004)

Critics Consensus: It aspires to Farrelly-level offensiveness, but the PG-13 rating and a dearth of decent gags renders Gold Diggers tame, toothless, and dull.
Synopsis: National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers explores the misadventures of two completely incompetent con men, who, in desperation, turn their attention to the art of gold digging. First time director Gary Preisler directs the cast of… [More]
Directed By: Gary Preisler
Lyle says…I have to give credit to National Lampoon for introducing me to crude humor and naked women at a very young age.  But now at the refined age of 24 (ha!!!), it’s gotten kind of old. I grew up. National Lampoon didn’t. But at least the Sherminator and Boy Meets World’s Eric Matthews got another pay day. Not all teen stars win.
#4

King’s Ransom (2005)

Critics Consensus: Filled with crass dialogue, unlikable characters, and overdone slapstick gags, King’s Ransom is an utterly inept would-be comedy.
Synopsis: Anthony Anderson sheds his usual sidekick status, heading up the ensemble cast as Malcolm King, a boorish, egomaniacal billionaire who owns a huge, equally tasteless marketing firm in Chicago. The cocky businessman is… [More]
Directed By: Jeff Byrd
Lyle says…I’m glad Anthony Anderson ditched comedy. He’s so much funnier in his current role on Law & Order. Jay Mohr…too bad you didn’t stick with SNL, you were much funnier then…which doesn’t say much. That’s mean, I know…he’s had his moments…(insert good moment here).
#3

Pinocchio (2002)

Critics Consensus: Roberto Benigni misfires wildly with this adaptation of Pinocchio, and the result is an unfunny, poorly-made, creepy vanity project.
Synopsis: Roberto Benigni (LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL) brings Carlo Collodi’s classic children’s story to life in this big budget live-action adaptation. Gepetto (Carlo Guiffre), a humble toy maker, fashions a marionette out of a log that… [More]
Directed By: Roberto Benigni
Lyle says…DAMN YOU ROBERTO BENIGNI, HOW DARE YOU RUIN AN ASPECT OF MY CHILDHOOD! We’ll always remember you as the guy who stood on his chair and went crazy at the Oscars. But that’s about it. Sorry.
#2

One Missed Call (2008)

Critics Consensus: One of the weakest entries in the J-horror remake sweepstakes, One Missed Call is undone by bland performances and shopworn shocks.
Synopsis: In the tradition of THE RING, THE GRUDGE, DARK WATER, and PULSE, ONE MISSED CALL is yet another moody Japanese ghost story to be adapted for American screens. Originally made by cult director Takashi Miike in 2003 from… [More]
Directed By: Eric Valette
Lyle says…this is a prime example of movies being lost in translations. Or in other words…how Americans manage to fuck up Japanese horror movies. By far, they are not nearly as well made or scary as their originals. Ed Burns should just go back to being an asshole soldier from World War 2.
#1

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

Critics Consensus: A startlingly inept film, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever offers overblown, wall-to-wall action without a hint of wit, coherence, style, or originality.
Synopsis: In the mystifying opening sequence of BALLISTIC: ECKS VS. SEVER, a double kidnapping takes place on a rainy night in Vancouver with a minimal amount of wasted time and a maximum amount of violence. A little boy is picked… [More]
Directed By: Kaos
Lyle says…the title is stupid, the poster sucks, the actors are only tolerable in family-oriented roles, and again, another stupid name the director chooses to go by. Dear Kaos…with this being your only film, the world is a much better place.
————————————————————————————–
So there you have it. That’s a pretty good/ horrible list. On a side note, HBO has been playing #2 and #1 on a regular basis for some reason. Why waste perfectly good airspace? I guess some people do get off being masochists.
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