*I’m bringing back an old school livejournal entry for today. I made a few edits, but it’s mostly intact. That’s because the way I feel about my “moms” is still the same. That kind of consistency is something I’ve always been able to depend on. Happy Mother’s Day 2010!
so…it’s mother’s day. today is where we’re supposed to show our appreciation to our mothers. though, like with other holidays, we should be doing that the other 364 days of the year. as i think about how much my ‘birth’ mother has been important to me, it crossed my mind that in actuality, i have two other motherly-figures in my life. and i feel it is just as important to recognize them for putting up with me for so many years.
my actual i-pushed-you-out-of-my-body-on-may-30 mother is an interesting character. she gave birth to me while she was in her late 30s and ever since i could remember, she worked. when i was a baby, my dad retired from the navy so my mom had to provide for the rest of us. she showed me early on the strength of a strong filipina, just like her own mother. while many filipino families are patriarchal, mine resembled more of a partnership. my mom was outspoken, had a say in decisions, and was the disciplinarian. me and my sibs always hated asking my mom permission for things because she was the one we were scared of. even when both my parents weren’t around as much because of the bakery, she still continued to be that strong figure in my life. whenever one of the men in my family had a health issue, she’s the one who picked up the slack at the bakery. she hates not working or feeling unproductive. one time she cut her foot with a knife at work. people had to force her to stay home. what did she do while she was home? clean the garage. for as long as i can remember, she woke up at 5 am to open the bakery. and come home with dad at 12/ 1 am from closing it. oh, and while she’s the parent i’m scared of, she’s one of the sweetest people you can meet. one of those who always makes sure you eat, have a place to stay, ask if you’re comfortable, etc. she wasn’t able to be around for much of my life, but she did what she could. that’s all i could ever ask. moving out of the house helped our relationship tremendously. even though whenever i go home she has an issue with the way i look (facial hair, getting a hair cut, etc.) and i get annoyed with it, i know its all love. i owe her more than i can ever give in my lifetime.
for my sister-in-law, i was kinda like her practice run at raising a teenager. she’s almost 15 years older than me, though i never called her Ate. i was taught to just simply call her by her first name, Rachel. I think I was around 7/8 years old when i met her, around the time her and my brother started going out. initially, i was too attached to my brother’s ex-gf to really let rach in. but she kept trying. eventually, it got too hard for my parents to help me with my homework, so she would step in when she could. when my brother’s family moved to san diego, she took over a lot of duties my mom would normally do. when my sister wasn’t there, i knew i could call her and talk to her about what was up. and for those of you who know me and my teenage years, i don’t know what i would have done without her during those rough, awkward stages. as much as my brother helped take care of me, she did the same, while handling her own family. now that her kids are reaching the age when she first met me, we talk about those days and how much my nephew reminds her of me. when i was too scared to talk to my parents, she was there. she disciplined me like a mom, and covered for me like a sister. it just sucks to think that when i graduate, she probably won’t be there =(
most people know the relationship i have with my sister. since i talk about her so damn much. i can go on and on about her (and if you ask me in person, i probably will). growing up, because of our age difference (7 years), we were somewhat close, but we kept our distance. that changed when she started driving and my parents wanted me to be her ‘chaperon’ (though, again, i was 7 years younger than her). so we were forced to be with each other all the damn time. so we went through everything together. instead of being bitter about it, it helped us form a really strong relationship. i wouldn’t be where i’m at without her (i went to SFSU because it was close to her house). hella things that i’m into has been influenced by her. she’s the one who played me the Blackstar album when it came out, which got me back into hiphop (and music in general). she brought me to Bindlestiff in 1997. she introduced me to spoken word in the late 90s. she introduced me to folks who i would later organize with in LFS. and the list goes on. and whenever i try and cite her for her influence on me, she replies: ‘I didn’t do anything, you did things on your own.’ for the past few years our relationship has been at a crossroads as we grow and develop our individual lives separate from one another. though it’s been rocky, we’re in a good place now. if a parent’s job is to raise someone, she is definitely one of my parents. and i have no doubt she will do a wonderful job once she has kids of her own. i really don’t know what i would have, or would do without her.
mother’s day is a good day. but i hope i show these three my appreciation every other day. i’m lucky. i’m lucky because i’ve had these three in my life. though i can’t be there in person to show how much i love them, i hope they know. thank you for everything. and everyday i’m away from you, i miss you so much it hurts.
big ups to your moms today. piece.
and of course…
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